Planning #102: What will my wedding cost: way more than you think!
What will your wedding cost? Well, a heckuva lot more than you think.
When I think about the cost of a wedding, there are a few categories
1. The reception
2. Clothing and accessories
3. Professional services and bling
In the Midwest, a reception will be somewhere in the $80 to $150 per person. In New York or California, probably double that…. But they’re all crazy out there anyway. I am talking about a reception at a venue with catering… something classy, not uncle Tom grilling burgers behind a double wide trailer home. Even at home or on a friend’s farm, by the time you rent tents, tables, chairs, extend power, bring in toilets and coolers, etc. you will be in that range anyway… you just refuse to acknowledge it yet because you are smart, cool, and amazing, and you know more than I do. To be sure, even in the Midwest there are $200 - $300 or more per person receptions, but you and I will never meet those people, so we don’t have to worry about them. On the other hand, if you think you’re going to have a Great Gatsby wedding for 300 people on a $5,000 you definitely need to slow down on the mushrooms. Even if you start with a $1000 venue, by the time you read the 50 pages of fine print, and add all the things you did not think about, or they did not tell you about, you will be in the range I stated… you’re just setting yourself up for an unpleasant surprise… but it will be too late.
Clothing and accessories: I’ve seen $300 dresses from David’s bridal that looked amazing, and I’ve seen $2000 designer dresses that didn’t. There are also used dresses and rental dresses. Don’t be a snob: you’re wearing it for 12 hours and then you’re done... or heck, be a snob, get whatever you want: it’s your money.
I’ll say this: whatever dress you choose be sure that it is not strapless, or you’ll spend half of your wedding day lifting your dress, stressed out that your boobs might pop out during photos or on the dance floor. Also, for guys: forget tuxes, buy suits. You get to keep them. Tuxes are generally $250 per guy with the groom generally free, while suits ought to be less than that… and… you, again, get to keep them, and you don’t get charged if you return them late, or damage them, etc.
When it comes to professional services the range is even wider and the price does not necessarily reflect what you get.
Wedding planners: from $800 to $6000
Day of coordinators: from $400 to $1200
Photographers – well, good ones, from $1600 to $7000 (anything over $4000 is insane, imo)
Videographers: from $1000 to $4000
Flowers – all you need is about $1000, but people often spend a lot more
Officiant: $500 is reasonable, anything else is nuts
Transportation: from $150 / hr to $250 / hour, with 3 -4 hour minumums
The Knot and the Wedding Wire put out a report every year… here is the Knot’s report
I also created a wedding calculator (here is the link) so you can play with numbers and understand the whole picture before you start making decisions. And this is probably the best bit of insight I have to share with you…. Don’t get fooled by a low introductory price for the venue before you understand everything that goes into it…. You are not shopping for an empty room, you are shopping for an experience.
Speaking of the experience or the whole package, encillada, whatever…. let me tell you about the Scope, Size, and Style wedding triangle… ok, I made this up based on a triangle used in project management… but here it is anyway: the 3 things that impact the cost of your wedding are Size, Style, and Scope.
Each of these 3 sits in a corner of the triangle. The triangle surface is your cost.
Each time you want more of any of these, you drag the corner out and your triangle gets bigger, so you have to pick up another shift at work, or call your parents again to ask for more money. And honestly, I don’t know why I’m telling you this, because I do better when you drag those corners out, so don’t stop! You need more!
Let’s start with Size: the most obvious is the guest count. The more people you invite the more expensive your wedding will be… so think carefully who you really need. And do they need to bring their kids? Size also matters when you choose the cake – the more tiers, the more expensive the cake. The number of stems in each bouquet matters. When you choose a photographer or videographer: do you really need them for 12 hours, do you really need a team of 4 photographers? I mean, unless you expect to become president of the United States, and think that someone will actually ever look at 3000 images capturing every fork, name card, and wine cork… 1 good photographer for 7 – 8 hours is all you need.
Scope refers to all the things you might be tempted to cram in this day. Some people want a fire pit, and lawn games, and party bus rides, mechanical bulls, taking photos in 3-4 different locations, sometimes in more than one outfit, and all kinds of crazy stuff.
My opinion: don’t.
First off, it’s a short (if long) day. You’ll be exhausted and everything will be a blur. Every “great” idea, every stop will increase your cost, and will keep you from enjoying the day with each other and your guests. In addition, the more activities you provide your guests the more dispersed your party will be… so instead of hanging out with a beer and chatting about life or dancing together, you will spread everyone all over. It’s not camp, it’s a party… focus on that. Keep your guests together, and close by.
Finally, “Style” or Bling, You can have nice centerpieces for $25 per table, or you can have truly amazing ones for $200 per table. Personally, I never met anyone who raved about the centerpieces at the wedding they just went to. I actually think that the reason people have $100+ centerpieces is just to make you drool over on Pinterest board. Style applies to food – you can have a nice chicken and beef meal for $25 - $35 per person, or you can have an amazing meal with dancing shrimp, fountains of champagne, 3 sets of silverware, and God knows what else… We once did a 4 tier cake, each tier in a different flavor, and with two decorative designs… one was Princess and one was Hunting / Camo. It was also $400 more than a 3 tier cake with one design… Now, I find that every couple will splurge on 1 or 2 things, and that’s ok. Or, if your daddy’s overpaid, you can over-bling everything. Otherwise, keep it real. Overbling… is that even a word? What’s happening to me?
One thing to keep an eye for: the word ‘investment”. Whenever someone tells you that the price you have to pay for their service is an investment, “run!”. It is likely overpriced. An investment is something that appreciates in value: a house, land, stocks in a company, maybe art if you are lucky… these are investments. Pretty much everything else is not an investment. Sure a good time and memories are precious, but they are not going to be worth more money later on, because no one will ever give you a dime for your “investment”. “Investment'“ is a word strategically used to make suckers feel good about paying for overpriced things.
Each time you two have a brilliant idea, ask yourselves – is it necessary, and will it make a big difference on your goals for the day. Again, if you hate Megan from Junior High, and you have to show her off then yes! Please! You should totally spend $60,000 - $70,000 for your 6 hour party. I’ll leave it at that. Actually, wait, if your name is Megan, no one hates you: you are awesome!
So what’s your wedding going to cost? Well, you can do the math on services based on the ranges above. For the reception just multiply your guest count with $80 and then with $150, and that’s your range (even if you think you know better)
So that’s all I have to say about that… and remember, I am biased, and not very smart… and if you disagree with me, that is because you are right and I know nothing. Shame on me! Shame!